How To Turn Social Anxiety Into Charisma

We know you find there’s nothing charming about your social awkwardness.

Well, we’re here to tell you it’s not exactly true.

Actress Sophie Turner with husband Joe Jonas

Sure, many of us are impressed with the highest levels of confidence displayed. We admire those who seem so confident in themselves.

But we don’t relate to them.

You see the difference?

The instance someone becomes relatable to us makes us like that person even more. And on a deeper level that.

Because we understand them. We resonate with them.

Ty Tashiro, a psychologist and author of the book, Awkward: The Science of Why We’re Socially Awkward and Why That’s Awesome, even goes on to say that social awkwardness can actually be awesome.

Psychological studies have shown that making small mistakes makes us more attractive to people. Because making mistakes is, inherently, a very human thing. The same guy in a video was rated more attractive when he knocked over a glass of water compared to when he didn’t.

According to Tashiro, most people feel awkward at one time or another. In fact, the average person exhibits 32 percent of the characteristics associated with being socially awkward.

He recommends breaking down the parts of social interactions into smaller segments, like manners, greetings, expectations, and saying good-bye. Then, observe others and practice new social strategies. Over time, you may grow more comfortable in social situations.

1. Awkward people see things a little different.

2. Awkward people are passionate about certain subjects.

3. Because of their passion, awkward people are geared for striking talent.

Sophie Turner, the actress who played Sensei in the ever-famous TV series, Game of Thrones admitted feeling socially awkward many times on various talk shows she’s been at.

While she was being shy, she was still making that effort to engage with people.

Making the effort or at least seeming like it, is key.

Because it makes people feel special that you are making an effort for them, although they know it is really difficult for you.

Sophie has a burst of captivating energy that we can all learn from.

Displaying more energetic tones into your conversation can instantly uplift a whole conversation and make you more likeable.

Here are a few hacks you can implement in social settings to turn your social anxiety into a charming asset instead.

  • Active listening

It all comes down to one fact: People like talking about themselves and want to be listened to. If you engage in active listening of your conversational partner and lead them with more interesting questions (in other words, give them more occasions to talk about themselves), you can

  • Mirroring

Mirroring means repeating the behavior of your conversational partner.

  • Verbal mirroring

Verbal mirroring can be repeating the last few words of a sentence they said or using affirmative words and nods. Bonus, it also helps you buy more time to think about what you’re going to say next.

  • Make fun of your own shyness.

People who can make fun of themselves (without self-depreciation, of course) are perceived to be more humble, down-to-earth, relatable and funny. If you think about it, someone can’t make fun of it, if you have made fun of it first.

  • Add some grandiosity to it

While you’re making fun, putting on an extreme voice and pairing with some grandiose hand gestures or body language can make it more clear it is a joke and add an extra sauce of humor.

We all like people with a good sense of humor who makes us have a good time.

So if you’re shy or feeling socially awkward, these tips show you that you can still have a great interaction without having to be the center of attention if you don’t feel like it.

All power to you, charming!

If you need to talk to someone, you can download Ashley AI Friend. Ashley is a therapist-trained friend which listens and converses with you and you can chat with real life users about your day. It’s entirely free and will remain so. https://bit.ly/AshleyIn

--

--

--

weBelong is a a digital safe space for marginalized teens to connect and chat with like-minded teens. Download: bit.ly/weBelong

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

Did We Develop to Feel Compassion During Different Catastrophes?

The Opposite of Toxic Positivity

The Truth Behind Lying

Research Says We’re Not Busy — So Why Do We FEEL So Busy?

Sloww Busy Feeling

We All Refer to Childhood Conditioning: Here are the 3 Ingredients of Our Programming.

The Neuroscience of Changing Human Behaviour

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
weBelong

weBelong

weBelong is a a digital safe space for marginalized teens to connect and chat with like-minded teens. Download: bit.ly/weBelong

More from Medium

3 things I learned on pursuing other career paths

To Deal With Overthinking.

Two Worlds Collide: Overcoming Anxiety of Mixing Friend Groups

Embracing Failure